Oh, She's Bookish: Gideon the Ninth

Completed: August 23rd, 2026

Okay, fine. Fine! I get it, I’m a lesbian. “You gotta read this book,” “you gotta,” *now frothing at the mouth, “YOU. GOTTA.”

Man, fuck this book.

I tried to read this piece of garbage multiple times. I had been taking book recs from my girlfriend for months and it resulted in all hitters and even a book that’s probably an all-timer for fiction I’ve read. And then, this.

The first time I picked up the book was like the three or four other times I tried to pick up the book. I would make it 10-20 more pages in, get pissed at the shitty writing and hated Gideon consistently, and then I would put it down only to begrudgingly pick it up again.

And then, in a last ditch effort, I got the notification on Libby that Gideon the Ninth was available on audiobook. I checked it out, put it on and began a 20 hour journey of an exceptional audio book experience.

It’s been a long time since I listened to an audiobook. I blurrily recall the Game of Thrones audiobooks while I was in college, but other than that the exceptional Harry Potter audio books when I was on vacation with my family as a kid. Otherwise, I stayed away from audiobooks. I am both one of those people who doesn’t think listening to audiobooks counts as reading the book and I when I listen to an audiobook I don’t feel the same sense of accomplishment and memory imprint of a physical book. But, alas, Moira Quirk, who is the voice actor, absolutely kills this.

I just have to say that this is not a well-written book and it will test your constitution for YA-level-writing with YA tropes. Moira Quirk’s voice acting performance lifts the words of the page and elevates the plot, characters, and world-building two or three-fold. I would never recommend the book unless it was to a YA girlie, to most everyone else I can strongly recommend this book if anything just for the voice acting experience she provides.

Okay, now onto the book itself.

Gideon the Ninth is a space fantasy. It’s set within the folds of a space opera narrative, but never tugs on those threads too hard which is to its benefit. This book has completely irrational world-building and I can’t believe the author somehow pulls it off. Nothing is explained, there are anachronism, there are references to places, technology, and social structures that do not exist presently and have no reason to exist elsewhere or in the past, and yet, its everywhere. An example of this is that Gideon comes from the ninth planet, which is often referred to as a “death cult.” Necromancy is the primary source of power in this world and in the Ninth planet, people live meagerly with a prayer-centric society in which paper is such a luxury people bow in awe when they see it. The ninth planet exists within a solar system of imperial planets, each with their own cultures, all united by a ruling Emperor. And Gideon has sunglasses???? She remembers 4th wall breaking technology, but doesn’t know what a bathtub is. Idk man, it is what it is I guess. The thing is, it somehow somehow doesn’t get in the way of the story. There isn’t enough of the world discussed to find incongruities or logic issues. Gideon will throw out something anachronistic, it’ll get a laugh, and then you move on as if it never happened.

The characters are a different story. Gideon is patently awful, but so are most masc lesbians. She’s painfully stupid and jockish and that just may be your flavor, so you will be Guy Fieri up in this book. There were maybe three moments where I connected with Gideons character in 20 hours of book. But that seems to a semi-universal take. All of the other characters are one-dimensional in that feel good way. In that JRPG way. In that stockholm syndrome way. You’ll get a couple hundred pages in and BAM you’re crying over a character you hated or were yawning through when you first met. I quite liked Harrow, though the revelations at the end of the book were completely unbelievable. Otherwise, I thought her and Gideon’s dynamic was excellent.

The ending is the exact one it should have been, even if I was too unaware to notice how obvious it probably was for most. It was gut wrenching, but not to the point where I would provide some sort of warning. It isn’t dark, it’s loving. It’s grief. Overall, this is worthy audiobook listen. It’s a good time with memorable characters whose mystery and world are just enough to have you giggling until your jaw drops in despair. I’m happy the fifth time was the charm.

SPOILERS AHEAD
Okay, fuck me, the ending did make me cry.

I am going to be honest, I got lost quite a few times getting through the last quarter or so of the book and I think the middle bits - between Harrow initially leveling with Gideon up until the Lady Septimus mystery - were my favorite parts. Seeing the necromancy secrets become steadily revealed as the arms race between Harrow and Palamedes was excellent and fun. These were the hours that kept pulling me back into the book. The characters slowly piecing together what a Lyctor is, and what it takes, was so lovely. I found the mystery of deaths a fun conceit even if the Lyctor trials were a little lackluster in form.

The whole Lady Setpimus reveal and battle sucked. To me it came out of nowhere and was a huge let down after the build-up to Gideon’s origin story (which was a dud) and the Lyctor battle that already bubbled up with the original trial members. Adding this random first house 10,000 year old Lyctor didn’t make much sense to me. Also, I was getting hyped about the mystery and the Emperor coming, but we really got a nothing ball there. The conversation with the Emperor felt good and I think it all makes sense with Harrow joining, but damn I feel like a lot of the exciting loose threads fell short right at the end.

And, oh, Lady Septimus. I was truly smitten in this book when Gideon has her first moments with Lady Septimus, with her fake vow of silence and her completely defenseless to her manipulations. I love how unabashedly sapphic the author is. The men are haughty, ugly, unkept, competent but shortsighted and all of the women are given such detail. I lived for every description of the many women Gideon lusted after. Especially Cornonabeth, mmmmm.

There were moments that really hit me in my gut. The death Jeannemary, with every page further on Magnus hurt more and more, and Gideon’s sacrifice just plain sucked. It needed to happen and it was the right grief-ridden ending to Harrow’s miserable existence, but damn did it hurt going down.